My Dearest Lucky
I know that your spirit lives on and that you can hear and understand these words that I feel I must say to you before I can truly begin to mend my deeply wounded heart and try to lose the dark chains of lonliness that came with your recent passing.
Nothing could prepare me for that terrible time and my emotional trauma was so intense I don't recall much of the next few days.
It was just a routine visit to the vet for a checkup and I left you there for an oxygen treatment while I went to have dinner. The phone call from the vet saying you had died brought on a huge meltdown and tears clouded the agonizing drive back to his office.
But then the tears turned to joy when he told me that a miracle had happened and you had somehow come back to life. As I began to make plans for you to stay the night under supervision I had the depressing notion that you had returned because we had not said goodbye and sadly, I was right.
The memory of those last few moments will forever live within me and I have learned to accept that I will never really get over losing you as you were my best of friends and my constant companion over the last twelve years and ten months.
Once you made it clear to me that you would rather wait in the truck for hours on end rather than have me leave you at home, some unknown sense always told you when we were going somewhere. I can count on one hand the times I didn't take you along. No matter what task I did around the house or yard you could always be found only a few feet away.
That is what makes it so difficult to go on without you because in everything and everywhere around me there is something that reminds me of you and the tremendous bond we shared together. There are no words to express the love I have for you Lucky or how much I appreciate the unconditional love you always showed me. When life delivered crushing blows you were always there to soften the fall and offer alternatives to just dwelling on the misery at hand.
So now I'm trying to put aside the sorrow of our last moments together and just remember the unlimited times of joy and laughter you brought to my life. I'm glad I spoiled you in the process because you deserved it. I know I responded by treating you as best as you could possibly have.
But my heart is so broken without you. You were simply the best of everything for me and something I will never know again.
The pain of loss is lessend by my vision of you now, running free and unrestrained by the earthly body that held you down in increasing measures. Yes my wonderful boy, run as free as that huge heart of yours desires.
Thank you so much for all you gave me and I will always cherish every moment. I love you Lucky. You saved my life.
Stephen
